An opened door?

Monday, July 31, 2006
Just when I am getting tired of all these office politics, tired of guiding, tired of leading and tired of working with so many people, here comes a chance to work with just two bosses.

I can be my own boss, do things my way, set up things my way.

Is this an opened door from the Lord? To take me to another place – I do not know.
 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 9:02 PM, | 0 comments

Probability, Possibility and Certainty

Sunday, July 30, 2006
The lesson on thurs was on the Last Supper and Father Cyril was presenting the chapter… like I mentioned before, Fr. Cyril always provide interesting insights to the gospel – the ideas presented can sound ‘cheam’ and there are times that I could get lost but nevertheless, each time, I would walk away with one point from his talk.

On Thursday, Fr said that Jesus must have knew about the probability that he was being disliked – especially by the priests and Pharisees (because of his preaching), possibility that his return may not be welcomed and the certainty that he would be harmed, he continued on his journey, his mission on earth.

I thought to myself – yes, I can apply this to my daily life.

Currently, work is piling up faster than I can reduce them and also one of my support staff is leaving, another colleague is moving on to take on her role and I need to fill in the gap to take over this colleague – and so far, none of the candidates seem suitable. So, come August, I may need to turn into an octopus.

On top of all these, I have my personal matters to attend to and issues to consider. I was entertaining a thought – how nice if I can just tender and go for holiday and look for a job after I return but I guess I am not a risk taker to do this. I would definitely freak out and slumb into depression.

Anyway, what Fr said inspired me – YES, I should lift it all to the Almighty God to take care of things for me. I just need to walk on – I may not know how tomorrow may turn out but I just need to walk close to God. There may be a possibility, probability and certainty that life may not be a bed of roses and smooth sailing but I know that God is with me – just need to open my heart, eyes and ears to sense him.

Yes Heavenly Father, thank you for the message brought to me through Fr. Cyril. Lord, I pray that all of us were touched by your words on Thursday and each of us will walk on in greater faith. Lord, watch over Paulina and her family as they take on another journey in USA. Lord, thank you for the food and the companionship that you have provided for us on Thursday. Amen.
 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 6:23 AM, | 0 comments

Thinking out loud

Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I’ve not watched news for a long time. … as I sat down to watch the news, it seems like the world is getting into a mess – war here, typhoon there, tsunami there, man killed family before killing himself, man tried to commit suicide by jumping onto the train track. …. Really depressing….

Hmmm, I am also wondering if I want to be an accountant. Apart from being an accountant, what can I do? Should I just tender, serve notice, then rest for a while before setting out on my journey again? Frankly, I do not have the courage to just quit without a job but I have been working for the past few years and it is getting tiring… do I want to do the same thing (only in different environment) all the time?
 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 6:21 AM, | 0 comments

Why is it important to walk close with God

Friday, July 21, 2006
As usual, laziness and tiredness set in and I thought I should skip today’s class but at the back of my mind, I said give this time to God and maybe I would find something unexpected.

Indeed.

I have been feeling frustrated lately – maybe it is due to the monthly thing, maybe it is due to the fact that I have not been keeping in touch with God, maybe it is work stress and office politics, maybe it is due to my own pride, my desire to have the last say, my own fears, my own insecurities about my future ….

Because of this negative feeling, I have affected the people around me, I found that I cannot concentrate in reading the bible and understanding Him. I asked my friends to pray for me …

The prayers worked.

Today, I clicked onto the living word website and I found Him to be talking to me through Matthew – take on my yoke …. Yes, this was the passage that was speaking to me a year ago that I had shared with Jeslin. Today, it came back to me … for me, telling me to take on His yoke and not any others… how can I forget?

Maybe in the midst of closing the accounts and handling other things, I had neglected God and this have a negative impact on my life coz I had walked further from God …

During the session, it was about Dicipleship – that journey with Christ is like a journey on two railway tracks – we can be one side (happy, upward side) and another side on another day … 50 – 50 chance.

This session was wonderful as it shed much light to my current situation. God did not promise a smooth sailing life but He promises us that He will walk all the way with us if we are willing to walk with Him…

The speaker shared her experiences and she said even if the task is daunting and unimagineable, if it is His calling, just go for it and He will take care of it …. With God’s grace and providence, anything will be possible.

After the session, I took some time to spend time with God … I have not done that for a long time… though I thought of going to talk to Him at times, I let laziness get the better of me … hmmm, this proves again that going the extra one inch for God will be worth it coz He will give back more than a million zillion yard …
Yes, I am feeling much more better than before I went in for the class.


Dearest Heavenly Father, thank you for telling me and reassuring me again and again that I am not alone. AMEN.


p.s during the session, the thought of asking the speaker to be my god mum came to my mind … I do not know … maybe I should pray about it.
 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 7:41 AM, | 0 comments

Candle in the dark

Thursday, July 20, 2006
Received this in the morning

“God’s love is like a candle in the dark.

No matter how gloomy your world may be, just one light of His love is enough to bring warmth and light.”


Yes but I think I am not opening up enough for His love to stream in – maybe that’s why I am still feeling gloomy and getting angry with the people around me …..
 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 5:06 PM, | 0 comments

Lousy Monday

Tuesday, July 18, 2006
I was so angry today.

I was trying to tell the people that they should follow procedure and should not compromise internal control just because the contractor wants to play punk and wants us to pay him, shifting the blame on the poor engineer that he held up the job.

It was a battle of me – a puny executive – against someone more powerful. The other powerful people just kept quiet in the loop – well, probably they have their own concern.

Anyway, instead of digesting what I had written, this fella (I would rather say “this bloody idiot with shit in his head”) said that we should be acting on instructions rather than preaching.

Oh! I was shocked to see this coming from someone in that position.

Realising that it is fruitless for me to talk to him, I shut him out and went to do other work and let my boss handle the situation.

What he wrote really made me see red (my mood was already quite bad today)… I so badly wanted to reply to him and cc to the whole world – I AM NOT HERE TO PREACH and NEITHER DO I JUST TAKE INSTRUCTIONS, ESPECIALLY STUPID, SILLY INSTRUCTIONS!!!!

After reflection, I concluded – I am not good for people with pride.

Another colleague tried to antagonize me today as well. She thinks she knows everything – well, I do admit that she does know everything but her knowledge of everything will not be forever the same and I just told her that why things can work during her time and will not work when I am in charge is because things have changed. Having heard what I said, she just mumbled something.

Why cant people be humble? I just want to do my job – I am not interested in any office politics. If you think I am here to snatch your position, please wake up your bloody idea … if you think you are good, then show the bosses, dun do such silly things …

It’s really a lousy Monday.

But thank God, this verse stood out – The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?

Yes, I shall fear no one as long as my conscience is clear and I am doing the correct thing.
 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 8:01 PM, | 0 comments

Be Still and know that I am God

Monday, July 17, 2006
In my search of my kind of ideal life, have I lost my true self somewhere? Have I missed the forest for the tree?

I may seem to have everything but why do I feel unhappy at times…

So many things are happening, will happen or are going to happen but these are beyond my control, beyond my grasps…

What can I do?

I can only rely on divine interventation, rely on God’s strength, rely on God’s guidance …

Beneath a happy face is a scared soul, who is trying her best to take things in her stride.

Thankfully, the Lord is with her, in every step that she takes ….

Be still and know – know that God is faithful and He will not forsake His sheep …just like the psalm – Be still and know that I am God …

Yes heavenly abba, thank you for holding on to me and watching over me. Lord, help me to keep my heart open to hear your instructions and guidance. Thank you Lord. Amen.
 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 6:56 AM, | 0 comments

My knight in shining armour =)

Saturday, July 15, 2006
My recept asked me to collect a parcel from her. I was quite worried coz of an unpleasant incident last year.

Someone was so cruel to play a prank on me. the mysterious sender sent a lacey underwear (a thong) to me with a note that says “I am monitoring you …. The calls will not stop etc” ….

I freaked out coz I had been receiving prank calls almost everyday and that fella would just kept quiet.

I was sharing this with them during lunch .. as I think back, it is actually a blessing in disguise as that was the time when a knight in shining armour appeared. Hahaha

He was really concern and worried for my safety and he rushed down immediately after work and we made our way to the police station …. Though we were not really sure where the police post was located, he called his friend to ask and I still remember that we were perspiring coz that day was very hot…

At that time, we were still friends and I was quite hostile to him at times … :P

Anyway, I was really touched by his sincere gesture and concern and it made me see him in a new light ….

=) as I recalled this incident today with a few of my close colleagues, it helped me realised that I am such a fortunate girl =)

Hmmm, sometimes it is just so easy to forget such nice memories and complained about what one lack.

Thank you Lord for sending me this knight =)
 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 1:16 AM, | 0 comments

This is the day ...

Friday, July 14, 2006


This is the day that the Lord has made ... we will rejoice and be glad in it .....

The Lord formed me in my mum's womb 27 (or 18?) years and 9 months ago ... He has a plan for me even before I came into this world. He called me by my name and knows who I am inside out - my strengths and weaknesses...

Thank you Lord - for all the blessings that you have given to me - for my wonderful family members and friends.

 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 8:17 PM, | 0 comments

Hello God

Monday, July 10, 2006
Hello God, I called tonight

To talk a little while

I need a friend who'll listen

To my anxiety and trial.

You see, I can't quite make it

Through a day just on my own...

I need your love to guide me,

So I'll never feel alone.

I want to ask you please to keep,

My family safe and sound.

Come and fill their lives with confidence

For whatever fate they're bound.

Give me faith, dear God, to face

Each hour throughout the day,

And not to worry over things

I can't change in any way.

I thank you God, for being home

And listening to my call,

For giving me such good advice

When I stumble and fall.

Your number, God, is the only one

That answers every time.

I never get a busy signal,

Never have to pay a dime.

So thank you, God, for listening

To my troubles and my sorrow.

Good night, God, I love You, too,

And I'll call again tomorrow!
 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 7:09 PM, | 0 comments

Life ...

Friday, July 07, 2006

I am glad I took the courage to choose life over work.

I was contemplating in staying back to keep my girl company as she tried to finish the accounts for me to review or just leave her to do her work while I go off.

There is an important session going on and I really do not want to miss it.

I took the stand to go off.

On my way, I passed by U-turn signs – should I go back and lend support and also review the accounts? I pressed on, ignoring the U-turn signs that I saw.

Then I drove past my house – I had not had an early sleep since last Friday. Should I go home to rest? The urge was there but I continue on …

Surprisingly, I made my way to church. Even though I left at about 7pm, I managed to get to church by 740pm.

Praise the Lord for giving me the smooth traffic and to ignore all those distractions and focus on him and the class.

Also, the topic last night was on Luke chapter 16. In the gospel, there was a rich man and a dishonest steward – their similarity – love of material possession.

Hmm, this sort of relates back to my current situation – am I working to live or live to work? Am I getting more in love of money, work or with my life… of course I would want to choose life over money or other material possession but it is just so easy to get lost in the world.

Thank you Lord for showing me that loving you and the people around me is the correct thing to do. Thank you Lord for showing to me that by submitting myself to you, you will lead me out of my ‘wildernesses. Thank you Lord, Amen.

p.s my girl has finished the accounts and there wasn't much to be changed - Praise the Lord!

 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 7:26 PM, | 0 comments

The power of LOVE

Tuesday, July 04, 2006
The Power of Love
If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.

And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated,

it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,

it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.
For we know partially and we prophesy partially,
but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.
When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.
At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.
So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Lord, fill the world with your love ...Amen.
 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 4:29 PM, | 0 comments

A new calling?

Monday, July 03, 2006
There were many couples during this retreat… at first, I was quite apprenhensive/withdrawn.
Would it be like the retreats that I have been to? For one, I missed the familiar faces. I told Pete – it feels funny not to see familiar faces – faces like Aurelia etc .. those whom we can easily joked with and those whom we can easily offer our hugs.

So much so for the first impression.

For the next two days, I saw how couples work together, stay together and served together. I am seeing this sign everywhere as we are preparing for our wedding .. not sure if Pete had noticed but I did.

From the bridal studio we go to, the make up, the hair and even to Pete’s tailor … all these businesses are run by husband and wife team.

Even in this retreat, we see couples (some are even non-catholics!) serving happily, spreading their love and opening sharing their experience with us.

During this time, I was touched. I thought that God has given much to these people and they have in turn selflessly gave it back to us ‘newbies’. I feel the urge to serve in the EE community together with Pete… It should be fun and enriching and help us to grow as a couple – a single unit together with Christ….

As usual, some may say that I am just using my heart to think and not my head and I may get bogged down with too much of such activities and this passion will be “short lived”.

I need to pray about this … if they call us up, then it is God’s will ….and let His will be done! =)
 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 7:17 AM, | 0 comments

Engaged Encounter

http://www.catholic.org.sg/ceespore/

We spent a wonderful and insightful time together during this weekend - we took time off to really take stock of our relationship - where we are now (together with God) and where we will be heading (together with God and also maybe the little ones that may come our way). It is like a detox session ... haha.

These sessions had helped to affirm that we are on the right track and many issues that we usually find it hard to discuss (due to busy work schedules or just dunno how to open our mouths to talk about it or just plain laziness) were brought to light. I was quite surprised that we actually have the same set of values even though we did not formally discuss them prior to attending the course.

Anyway, there are still some areas that we need to work on and the journey is just beginning for us.


We asked that you, my dear friends, to continue to keep us in your prayers.

p.s had my first ‘confession’ during this retreat. I was really nervous as I do not know how it will go. But at the end, I can say that it takes lots of courage and humility to be able to admit a mistake and talk about it with a priest.
 
posted by Francesca Cecilia at 7:00 AM, | 0 comments