Soli Deo Gloria

I have learnt a lot today through sharings with others.

I have poured out my burden during group sharing in how I let God direct me in my life. I did not want to cry but the tears just came, non-stop. I hope I didn scare the people around me. I am glad that I had shared coz others came forward and shared how they had overcome this feeling that I am going through.

Recently, I felt anger. Anger from no where. Anger which I want to get rid of but I can’t.

Angry that I cannot spend time doing what I want to do. Angry about why I must always think of others first before my own needs. Angry that things are not going according to my way, my thinking. Angry that things are happening slowly. Angry at the sort of people that I have around me. Angry that I was drifting away from Him and I am letting myself be drifted away. My self being is struggling not to die as I am trying to live a Christian life as best as I can.

In the midst of being angry, I had missed out the feeling of Joy, love and peace – until today.

I found my answers today. Yes, in the midst of being busy with other matters, I had negelected to love. Love is the answer to all things.

I may not like his face, his nagging tone, the long, often repeated story but if I had LOVE, I would be able to accept that person for he/she is God’s unique creation.

I learnt during EE that one needs to be life-giving but this is really difficult to do and I got angry coz I had failed to be life-giving. I felt that I had failed God.

Another person mentioned that we need to focus on the good points of the person – magnify on his/her plus points and the negative aspects would dim.

I also learnt that the sign of peace is really beautiful. The hugs from these people are so reassuring. It is like God using them to tell me that everything will be alright. Some hugged me tight, probably feeling what I am feeling or they really care for me. Others had said that they will keep me in their prayers … *Thank you*

I learnt that things happen for a reason. The fact that I am still unable to move in to my new house may be God’s way of telling me that I need to learn to be patience, to let me really experience how living with hubby and in-laws would be like and maybe it is His way of letting me slowly adjust to the new environment. These could be the points that I had missed out and had gotten angry as to why must I still be shuttling over so many places and why I can’t move in to my new place, why do I have to wait etc …

Today has been a day where I have gotten much from God – His reassuring love for me that I should trust Him no matter what happens. I need to learn to let myself go. Thank you Lord.